I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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