Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
