so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
