Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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