Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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