I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
