I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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