she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
