Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.

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(619): no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row. http://tfl.nu/cyuc

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(650): View more from California

we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA

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(650): we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA http://tfl.nu/902z

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(432): View more from Texas

I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?

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(432): I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!? http://tfl.nu/8eh6

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(816): View more from Missouri

critical mistake not lubing the nipples

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(816): critical mistake not lubing the nipples http://tfl.nu/tm7j

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(613): View more from Ontario

I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.

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(613): I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking. http://tfl.nu/hw5l

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(303): View more from Colorado

He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.

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(303): He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal. http://tfl.nu/7xt6

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(303): View more from Colorado

My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted

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(303): My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted http://tfl.nu/ipi0

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(512): View more from Texas

I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.

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(512): I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun. http://tfl.nu/d4m3

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(515): View more from Iowa

im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.

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(515): im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right. http://tfl.nu/w229

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(970): View more from Colorado

Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.

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(970): Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch. http://tfl.nu/x8x8

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?

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(774): I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish? http://tfl.nu/4yf1

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(302): View more from Delaware

Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.

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(302): Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you. http://tfl.nu/p99c

Replies (7) Good night (1350) Bad night (443)
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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...

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(321): Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face... http://tfl.nu/4hpu

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.

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(336): I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012. http://tfl.nu/82uc

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(360): View more from Washington

I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.

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(360): I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina. http://tfl.nu/nx7q

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