Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This girl is more easily done than said...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
