Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
