he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i barfeds in our rink
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
