but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize