he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
