in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
