Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
