I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
