it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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