No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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