i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
