This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Please don't give away my fajitas
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
