Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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