Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
