the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
