omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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