Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
