I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Randomize
