Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
