You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
