I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
