Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
