Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
