I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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