Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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