I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
