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She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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