finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
