she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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