Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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