wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
