U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
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