he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
