I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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