is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
