So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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