Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
