I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
