hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
