Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
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It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize