I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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