This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
