Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
