census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
