What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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