Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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