I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
