After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
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You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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