You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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