Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
