I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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