I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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