I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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