I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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