I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize