i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
