If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
